In case you missed the reading on our show, here is my poem as a Christmas gift to all of you. Enjoy!
1. Twas the night before Christmas, and all through my pad,
I was shopping online, and tweeting like mad.
The wine was consumed, and hubby out to get more,
flipping through the channels, everything was a bore.
Hubs came rushing in with a bottle or four,
and I dashed to the kitchen, and accidently slipped on the floor.
2. The kids were sleeping soundly in thier beds,
with visions of amazon gifts swirling through their heads.
When out on the deck, there was a major clatter,
so I sent Hubs out to see what’s the matter.
We saw the neighbors standing confused and then,
saw a big old fat man was stumbling behind them.
3. “OMG, get my iphone, and open up vine,
this will go viral, and I want it all mine!”
The man looked familar, but not in “that” way.
He looked like that guy, with reindeers and a sleigh!
4. “It’s HIM” they shouted from across the way,
“Grab your lists, the booze, and meet us by the bay.”
“They bay? What bay? you mean this crappy little pond?”
“Yes, you lush, hurry up and be gone!”
5. Hubs and I grabbed the stuff and ran out the door,
I forgot my keys, he forgot the lists from the store.
As we crossed the street I was fumbling to check us in
why is swarm so annoying, I’m just trying to fit in!
6. We met everyone by the pond, or “The Bay”,
and we then saw it. Holy CRAP it’s Santa and his sleigh!
As I stared at him like he was a familiar fellow,
or maybe a new husband from the new hit on Bravo?!
7. That would be great,
can’t you just see it now?
“Big jolly men and their reindeers,
trying to find love-and maybe a cow?”
8. Ok, I’m sorry, the ADD kicked in,
where was I again?
Oh yes, the fat man- let me begin.
9. So there we are, freezing our tushes,
right by the bay, the pond, the bushes.
Santa exclaims he is in quite a pickle,
he needs our help and this made me tickle.
10. His sleigh is broken, the reindeers won’t go.
He needs our help now, which of course is a no-no.
It’s not that we won’t, we just can’t you see.
I’ve been drinking and now have to pee.
11. Santa follows us home,
and I run in to the lue
We are sure to be quiet,
so the kids have a clue.
12. He asks if the limo he saw is ok to use,
we can be promoted to Santa’s little muse.
Hubs says “of course! Anything you need!”
i say, “be right back, i gotta go pee”
13. He begins to explain the plan as he sees it,
using my limo, and everything in it.
He’ll be happy to see that it’s fully stocked,
I mean really, if it wasn’t you’d be shocked.
14. We all piled in the limo,
hubs popped the Champagne,
and made a toast to all of us,
so the neighbors wouldn’t complain.
15. As Santa’s magic kicked in,
we began flying to the sky.
“Oh my Cher”! We were doing this,
as the houses were whipping by.
16. Home by home, Santa delivered the thrills.
Glass by glass we applauded his skills.
“He’s so hot” my neighbor whispered to me.
As if I didn’t see it already- Pa-lease.
17. The next thing I know I’m back in my bed.
I roll over to feel hubs.
Yup this is the end.
18. Was it a dream? Was it wine?
Was I in trance?
or sugarplums in my head,
doing a dance?
19. May you find your own magic,
laughter and fun.
As you celebrate this holiday season,
with your friends and everyone.
20. Christmas is an amazing time of year.
A time to reflect, and of course, Cheer.
Be safe this season, and please tune in to hear
2 Dudes and The Duchess nightly, my dear.
21. From all of us here,
to all of you out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”
*Written by The Duchess Kate Curtin 2014