Category Archives: The Duchess Blog

The Duchess account of The Night Before Christmas

In case you missed the reading on our show, here is my poem as a Christmas gift to all of you. Enjoy!

1. Twas the night before Christmas, and all through my pad,
I was shopping online, and tweeting like mad.
The wine was consumed, and hubby out to get more,
flipping through the channels, everything was a bore.
Hubs came rushing in with a bottle or four,
and I dashed to the kitchen, and accidently slipped on the floor.

2. The kids were sleeping soundly in thier beds,
with visions of amazon gifts swirling through their heads.
When out on the deck, there was a major clatter,
so I sent Hubs out to see what’s the matter.
We saw the neighbors standing confused and then,
saw a big old fat man was stumbling behind them.

3. “OMG, get my iphone, and open up vine,
this will go viral, and I want it all mine!”
The man looked familar, but not in “that” way.
He looked like that guy, with reindeers and a sleigh!

4. “It’s HIM” they shouted from across the way,
“Grab your lists, the booze, and meet us by the bay.”
“They bay? What bay? you mean this crappy little pond?”
“Yes, you lush, hurry up and be gone!”

5. Hubs and I grabbed the stuff and ran out the door,
I forgot my keys, he forgot the lists from the store.
As we crossed the street I was fumbling to check us in
why is swarm so annoying, I’m just trying to fit in!

6. We met everyone by the pond, or “The Bay”,
and we then saw it. Holy CRAP it’s Santa and his sleigh!
As I stared at him like he was a familiar fellow,
or maybe a new husband from the new hit on Bravo?!

7. That would be great,
can’t you just see it now?
“Big jolly men and their reindeers,
trying to find love-and maybe a cow?”

8. Ok, I’m sorry, the ADD kicked in,
where was I again?
Oh yes, the fat man- let me begin.

9. So there we are, freezing our tushes,
right by the bay, the pond, the bushes.
Santa exclaims he is in quite a pickle,
he needs our help and this made me tickle.

10. His sleigh is broken, the reindeers won’t go.
He needs our help now, which of course is a no-no.
It’s not that we won’t, we just can’t you see.
I’ve been drinking and now have to pee.

11. Santa follows us home,
and I run in to the lue
We are sure to be quiet,
so the kids have a clue.

12. He asks if the limo he saw is ok to use,
we can be promoted to Santa’s little muse.
Hubs says “of course! Anything you need!”
i say, “be right back, i gotta go pee”

13. He begins to explain the plan as he sees it,
using my limo, and everything in it.
He’ll be happy to see that it’s fully stocked,
I mean really, if it wasn’t you’d be shocked.

14. We all piled in the limo,
hubs popped the Champagne,
and made a toast to all of us,
so the neighbors wouldn’t complain.

15. As Santa’s magic kicked in,
we began flying to the sky.
“Oh my Cher”! We were doing this,
as the houses were whipping by.

16. Home by home, Santa delivered the thrills.
Glass by glass we applauded his skills.
“He’s so hot” my neighbor whispered to me.
As if I didn’t see it already- Pa-lease.

17. The next thing I know I’m back in my bed.
I roll over to feel hubs.
Yup this is the end.

18. Was it a dream? Was it wine?
Was I in trance?
or sugarplums in my head,
doing a dance?

19. May you find your own magic,
laughter and fun.
As you celebrate this holiday season,
with your friends and everyone.

20. Christmas is an amazing time of year.
A time to reflect, and of course, Cheer.
Be safe this season, and please tune in to hear
2 Dudes and The Duchess nightly, my dear.

21. From all of us here,
to all of you out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

 

 

*Written by The Duchess Kate Curtin 2014

Podcast App

Are you like me and are technically challenged? Well I’m here to help you, at least with listening to our show. The easiest way, if you have an iPhone or iPad, is to download a free app. Go to the App Store and search ” podcast app”. It has a purple icon and the app is free. Once you download and open the app search in the search box for “2 Dudes and The Duchess”. Next you will see all our available shows to listen too. If you click on our logo you will also see a “subscribe” button. Go ahead and click that too. Now Everytime there is a new show you will be notified. Easy, right? Now go tell your friends to do it too!
Thanks for listenining and I,look forward to hearing from you on Friday Night Live! 847-242-1364

Infusing vodka at home

On last night”s show I shared with you a recipe I created with a technique I learned from Martha Stewart. You can infuse vodka with pretty much any fruit and/or spice you wish. I have infused blueberries, cranberries, pineapple, and canteloupe just to name a few. My all time favorite though would have to be my candy cane vodka. Here’s the loose recipe:

1 full size candy cane
10 oz vodka (not the cheap stuff but doesn’t have to be top shelf)
1 sealable jar or bottle

Unwrap your candy cane and place in your bottle/jar. Pour in vodka and seal. Vodka needs about 3-4 days to infuse. You will see the candy cane disappearing every day.
Enjoy as a martini or mix with seltezer or club soda depending on your taste. You can garnish your martini with a small candy cane too!

For other ideas of infusing or more details on this process check out Martha’s info at:
http://www.marthastewart.com/903322/infuse-your-booze-liquor-and-cocktail-recipes#903056

Homework Drinking Game

As promised here is the “home work drinking game”, enjoy!
*Your child brings up anything to do with Common Core. Drink again if you rolled your eyes.
*You start any sentence with “When I was in school…”
*You question if you even went to college considering you can’t seem to do 1st grade math problems
*You have to sign your full name in a teeny tiny box somewhere on your child’s homework sheet
*You successfully remember how to use it’s vs. its
*You have a child who can read to you, rather than the other way around
*You have to use Google to remember how to add/subtract/multiply/divide fractions
*You say “I before E” in your head… take two drinks if you say it out loud
*You try to convince your child to finish their homework in the morning… when your co-parent is on homework duty for the day
*You suggest they look that up in an encyclopedia and they look at you like your hair is on fire
*You get caught skipping pages when reading to your child
*You can actually spell any of the spelling words on their list yourself… one drink for every correct word, folks!
*Your child runs out of mechanical pencil lead and refuses to use an old fashioned No. 2
*There are assignments that need to be hand-written… drink once for double-spaced and twice for single-spaced
*You sign your name to each permission slip/release form/emergency information sheet/parent note in their folder
*You volunteered in their class today
*Your child had early-release or late-arrival today
**And, last, but not least, drink when they finish for the night… And, if they finished their homework in less than an hour, take another drink. Hell, pour yourself a fresh one. You deserve it.

I hope you have more fun when homework time comes tomorrow! Thank you to http://bellingfam.com/2014/09/04/homework-drinking-game/ for sharing this brilliant, fun game!

**Please drink responsibly

Big news coming!

I’ve been having a blast with the guys in the studio and even more fun planning our next big thing! Not only will I be able to celebrate our 300th show on October 6th but we have a BIG year ahead!!
We will be at Huntley Fall Fest Saturday morning and Sunday. You should come out and see us. If you miss us I’ll leave postcards for you and be sure to encourage your friends to listen in.
Don’t forget to follow me on Pinterest – “The Duchess” and on twitter- theduchess1015

Thanks for listening!

7 types of drunks and how to deal with them

In case you missed it, here are the 7 types of drunks I discuss on tonight’s “Dishing with the Duchess”

1. The Mike Tyson Wannabe

2. The drunk in denial

3. The emotional drunk

4. The honest drunk

5. The look-at- me drunk

6. The obsessed with this person but they want to have absolutely nothing to do with this person

7. The all around HOT MESS

Now, I can’t type to you all of the details tonight but you can go to the main page now and listen to tonight’s show!

Phenomenal Woman

My heart is heavy this morning after learning the news of the renowned poet and cicil rights activist, Maya Angelou’s passing. Her writing and teachings have inspired me ever since I was introduced to her work in college.

In her honor I give you my favorite piece of her writing:

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Get the Champagne Ready

Tonight’s the night of the big reveal! I’m so excited to join the team at 2 Dudes! Everyone has been so wonderful and welcoming. I can’t wait for you all to hear the show at 8:00pm tonight. I’m really looking forward to working with Sir William, Collywobbles, and of course the genius that is Michael.